Perfection

Having a baby and becoming a mom is easily the hardest thing I've ever done. It's also the most rewarding.

It's so much fun spending time with my gorgeous , perfect , daughter. Gregg and I are always sending late night texts to each other that mostly consist of A) how much she's eaten and how fast. and B) " our baby is so  adorable."  We love spending each day just staring at her and how pretty she is. We knew we'd have good looking kids , but seriously , how did we make that ?!

Lately I've been telling Gregg. " I know she's a baby and innocent and everything , but I seriously think that Zoe is the nicest person I know. "  and she really is. She has a smile for everybody. She somehow finds the courage to smile and laugh even though she's crazy sick and I know she's hurting so much right now.

*oh yeah , Zoe's got 2 colds , a bladder infection , and a yeast infection. yikes*

She sets the example for me everyday to just be happy. Which is so hard to do when work sucks , I have to take care of a sick baby , who is fighting sleep , and wants to play. I'm so thankful for Gregg who comes home from a grave or from school and so willingly changes her diaper for me because I'm just too tired. Who says to Zoe " your mom is so nice. She's really hungry right now , but she's making you a bottle first because you're hungry too."

It's nice when he recognizes everything that I do.

So at work I got a new client. Who is SUPER low functioning. Imagine taking care of your 4 month old daughter then going to work and doing the same thing for someone elses daughter. Except their daughter is really 51. It's so exhausting and requires so much patience that I've learned I don't really have. I mean just tonight I spent the whole night trying to get this client into clean underwear. She's yelling and screaming because she's wet , but won't change into clean clothes. THEN cleaning up poop from everywhere. With just paper towels because the house has no gloves. I need to suck it up.

All I really want to do right now is cry. I may be doing just that right now. Crying tears of frustration because of work , of joy because I have the most precious daughter that I'm so lucky to get to raise, of sadness because my daughter is hurting. Honestly lately that's all I want to do. Cry. I feel like my life is so hard , but I really wouldn't want it any other way. Also I realize my life is very cushy and nice compared to others. Which makes me feel super selfish.