On having a daughter.

Zoe at exactly 1wk old 

I've been putting off writing this post because I'm really afraid I won't be able to express what I want to say in just the right way. Documenting all your emotions on having a baby as perfect as Zoe is just need to be documented as perfect as she is. Right? Still it needs to be said. Perfectly worded or not.

Throughout my life, okay mostly as a teenager , I prayed so hard that I would have all boys. Not that girls aren't great. Boys just seemed like they'd be easier to raise. Boys are supposedly more active , but way more laid back right? Don't have to deal with boy problems because boys just typically don't care. Easy peasy.

Then we found out we were having a girl. I was thrilled and terrified. Mostly terrified. I don't know how to be a mother , much less a mother to a girl ! Here I was being told we were going to have a girl. So I got excited over all the cute little girl clothes we'd get to buy , and all the hairstyles I'd finally get to learn because I'd have a girl to practice on! ( hello french braids!)

Then Zoe was born. I still have no clue what I'm doing as a mother. I still have no clue how I'm going to be a mother to a daughter. I have no idea how I'm going to give her the talk. I have no clue how to handle her first period. Or her first bra. Or her first boyfriend. ( Okay , no , I know how I'll handle that. I'll freak out and probably worry and cry a lot. )

What I do know is she's my BEST FRIEND. Seriously. I had no clue I could love a little girl anywhere near as much as I love her. I know that she loves cuddling me and hasn't outgrown it yet. I know that she already tells me secrets. I know she's about as stubborn as I am. I know that she knows what she likes. I know she's the smartest person I know. I know that we'll be okay. We're going to figure this whole life with each other out. Oh , and she knows exactly how to cheer me up when I'm sad. Even when I don't think it's obvious that I'm sad , she seems to know and she knows exactly how to cheer me up.

So even though I didn't think I wanted a daughter , I'm glad my Heavenly Father knows me better than I know myself and knew I needed a daughter. I'm learning who I am , by helping her become who she's meant to be. I'm so glad Zoe is my daughter. I'm so glad I get to be her mom mom.