A bit of Honesty.

I'm about to post something that I feel just needs to be said. If only to get off my chest. Everybody asks if I'm so excited to be having a baby. I always say I am , because honestly I really am , but it wasn't always like that. The truth is that I spent a good majority of my first trimester leaning on the phrase "fake it till you make it." It was a really rough patch for me. You see , unplanned pregnancy isn't always awesome. Especially when you've only been married 4 months.

I don't think I'll ever forget the night I found out we were pregnant. I had just been whining because my friends announced they were pregnant. ( I know this is going to sound so strange ) I wanted a baby too. My definition of wanting a baby though meant , I'm jealous that we  haven't been married longer so we could have a family. Gregg and I had both agreed that we'd wait until he finished school , had a steady job , and I was in my last semester of school.

Eventually I went home. I wasn't feeling good and I was tired. On the way home I couldn't stop thinking about how my friends were pregnant. Which made me realize that I was in fact a month late. I had gotten a pregnancy test as a gag gift for the wedding. So I took it convinced I was just crazy. Nope , there was definitely a little baby in there. I hate to say this , but my first thought was making a list of all the people who would kill me.

I told Gregg we were pregnant and took him the test and showed him. Of course I start crying because nobody wanted this baby. We couldn't afford it and everyone else wanted us to wait. He says he was excited , but like a good responsible person he looked up financial ways to provide while I sat there crying my heart out. I went home eventually and just cried myself to sleep. I did this for the first few months.

Then one day we heard the heartbeat , and things began to change. I think the day I finally was truly excited about our little girl was when she started moving. Now I can't imagine not having her in our lives. Sure I still have my rough days when I'm really upset. We can't afford her still , and things are changing. I've had to give up things I've really wanted for her. I'd do it all over again though.

I'm still really excited , but with 6 weeks left I'm also really terrified. I don't know how I'm going to do this. I don't know who does. I know it's been difficult to go from being single to being a wife and mother all within a year , but I know that she's supposed to be with our little family for some reason , and I know we'll be able to give her all the love she needs. Somehow , I think that will be enough.