My Story

Sorry I've been absent on here for so long. I've gotten away from blogging to rekindle my love for physical journals. It's been a very therapeutic month with my newest journal , and I will probably keep up with putting pen to paper and putting my thoughts into print that way. However I needed to take a break and come back to this for a moment. If only to help someone who might be in a similar situation know they're not alone. This is a very raw and real post for me, and it might be a little long. So bear with me. 

Sunday night my husband and I laid in bed talking. He said, "I slept through church. I was really tired, it was a rough night at work, but still I really wanted to go to church." I replied simply with "I didn't."

It didn't happen overnight, but somehow over the course of, I don't know, 4 years, I had lost my way. I had been losing my faith , and what I had left by this Sunday was a mere iota of the magnificent faith I had had as a child and teenager. I used to have so much faith I thought it would always be there. Here I was on that day though, not wanting to go to church. 

The Lord clearly had other plans for me. Somehow He helped me soften my heart. He put little reminders in my heart of why I loved church. Why I should go back. For a long time I thought "Sure, that's a good reason, but it's not enough." Conveniently the General Woman's Conference for our church was held the day before, and all my friends decided Sunday was the best time to share all of their nuggets that they had gleaned from the meeting. To them I say thank you.

 If they hadn't shared those quotes, I never would have looked up the talks online. Then I never would have read Uchtdorf's talk. I never would have heard the talk that I'm 100% positive the Lord inspired him to give, just for me. This was the quote all of my friends shared, that came to me at the perfect time to inspire me to turn back to him in my lowest hours. He said: 

"There may be many things about life that are beyond your control. But in the end, you have the power to choose both your destination and many of your experiences along the way. It is not so much your abilities but your choices that make the difference in life.You cannot allow circumstances to make you sad. You cannot allow them to make you mad.You can rejoice that you are a daughter of God. You can find joy and happiness in the grace of God and in the love of Jesus Christ.You can be glad."

Then it hit me. I had become mad, I had become sad. Instead of owning up to those emotions, I blamed my Heavenly Father for handing me those circumstances. I had decided to be the perfect host to my own pity party. I realized I had only done this to myself, and I needed to own that. 

Upon telling all this to Gregg he responded " I'm sorry. I saw all of this happening and I didn't do anything. We both need to do better about living what we believe. What can I do to help you get back to where you were?" It was mind boggling that I had a husband who didn't judge me, but wanted to help. Who, whenever he see's me struggling with something, is the first to say "I see the problem, how can I help you." 

He never judges. I feel like he's much like my Heavenly Father that way. Together as a couple we decided that we needed to start reading our scriptures and praying as a family daily. The scriptures we read may or may not be the children's version. It's easier because we have Zoe now , and I really don't mind because it really puts the gospel simply. Since I feel like i'm really at a point where I need to build my faith back up from the basics again it's been great. 

I also feel the need to put it out there that I never once lost faith that there was indeed a God. I always felt that He was very real, I still believe that His son Jesus Christ came to Earth to atone for all of our sins. I knew the Holy Ghost was real, because I still felt and continue to feel his presence in my life. I know that I am loved by them. I also still had a strong testimony that Jospeh Smith was a real prophet. 

I realize now that the base of all my doubts laid in the fact that I was scared, mad, and sad. I had just let all those become my truth. I had chosen to wallow in self pity and although it may not be the same exact situation that anyone else is in, I want others who may be having a hard time, and clinging to a small thread of past faith, to know I'm there with you. 

There is hope for us. That your Father in Heaven does still love you. That He is preparing you. One day when you've reached the bottom of your cup and feel like you can't go on, He will take that opportunity to lift you up. To remind you that He is still there, waiting with arms wide open, to welcome you back to the fold. You only have to reach out to Him. 

Music for the Soul

I was going to make a whole post full of songs I'm madly in love with right now, but then remembered that you can share a playlist on spotify. So I'm making a playlist currently and will post the link to it at the bottom of the post. I plan on adding to it as often as I find good songs to add.

I will add this little quip. I'm up at 12:30 am having what I can only compare to a music spiritual experience. I'm sure we've all had those moments. The one where the music just speaks to your soul. Where you have an almost out of body experience with how much the music speaks to you ? That's where I'm at right now.

I hope through the music I add I can give at least some of you that same experience. It's magical and I don't think I've experienced anything like it in around 10 years. It's a welcome change. Anyways, Here's the link if you care to give it a listen.

Sing with me...Sunday

It's been a while since I've done one of these posts. I've recently been listening to music a LOT lately, So I needed to share some of the songs I've been listening to.

This first one needs a little back story. Gregg and I hardly ever like the same music. Poor guy. So When he heard me walking around singing this song, you should've seen his face. He was SO excited that I finally liked "a good song" .  So the story of how I discovered this song is kind of a weird way as well. I've recently been playing Sims Online. (freeSO if you're curious). It allows you to play with other simmers around the world and chat with them too. Through this game I made a friend with a DJ in Norway (What?!) Anyways. Everyday in our chat room he shares a link to a radio stream he does. I first heard this song there. Now he puts it on a few times a day just so I can listen to it haha. So. My husband has him to thank for my love of this song. The guy who sings it though? His voice is gorgeous. This is Disturbed "The sound of Silence."

Ok. This next song I also found via my friend in Norway. The guy who sings it is also from Norway. He sings one of my most favorite songs though. he's singing "The Story" by Brandie Carlile. The first bit is him talking but then he sings and oh. my. word. You should hear his cover of Pink's Try too. Swoon worthy. 

Ok guys. I love me some Bruno Mars. Like it's unreal. So this next song is probably one of my favorites. "Somewhere in Brooklyn" By Bruno Mars. 

And because it wouldn't be a Sing with me post if I didn't post a children's song. My friend Megan shared this with me a while back and I listen to it at least once a day. I give you Lullaby for a Princess. 

Thoughts as of late.

Sorry it's been a while since I blogged. I haven't had the heart to. I don't even remember the last time I blogged. Do you?


Anyways. I'll start with what drove me to blog today. It's not all connecting in my brain , so excuse me if it doesn't all connect on here either. Anyways. To the point. Have you ever had a smell that was so familiar to you and packed with memories that it made you cry ?  That happened to me today.

I was just in the bathroom doing chores and all of the sudden the familiar smell of the way my grandma's bathroom smelled hit me. Strong and hard. I don't know where it came from. I don't even know how as I'm fairly certain my grandmother didn't clean with the same stuff I do. Maybe she did. I don't know. All I know is that that is the smell that always hits me the hardest. Is that weird? That the times I remember my grandmother the most is always accompanied with the smell of her bathrooms? I can't even describe the smell to you. It's just a smell that is so unique and distinct. I pick it up every so often.

That led me into trying to figure out what the heck the smell was. I'd recreate it always if I could. I suppose I'll never know though. That led me into other memories. Down the same road that the smell always takes me. The road of breakfasts at her house where I was always excited to eat the kiwi's she would inevitably peel and cut for us. This always makes me laugh a bit because these days I don't even really like kiwi anymore. Maybe it's because I can't peel it just the way she did. I can't peel them to save my life. Weird how that happens. Not liking a fruit I loved at grandma's. Then kitchen memories take me to the weird contraption she told me was a wheat grinder. I could never figure out how it worked. I don't even know if it did work.

That always leads me to the cool little potato bin she had. That was always pretty interesting to me and I never understood why you needed a special bin just for potatoes. I get it now. I don't own one , but I would if only to feel that much closer to her. The smell of the potato bin always takes me to the shelf she kept lots of paper and coloring supplies for us. That along with doing puzzles always reminds me of grandmas house. That and the bookshelf. I think that's what really inspired me to have a large bookshelf. The fact that she had sooo many books.

Inevitably this all reminds me of her. How empty and hollow she felt towards the end. How tired she sounded the last time I talked to her. I'll never forget that for as long as I live. I know she's happy and healthy now, and that she wouldn't want me to be sad. I miss her though. Anyways that's where I'm at today.

On top of that I've had a lot of health things going on myself and I'm finally getting some answers which is fantastic. I still have a few more tests to be done next week, but i'm finally feeling more hopeful about my future.

If you've made it this far I really commend you . I don't know how frequently I'll be on. Hopefully more frequent than I have been.

Random Song Recommendation

Guys. This song has been on repeat in my house today. It's that good.

Sing with me Saturday.

Since it is sing with me Saturday, since Ellie Goulding is my spirit animal (soul sister? What's the human version of spirit animal guys?) , and since I'm madly in love with Gregg, I'm just going to leave this right here. Happy Saturday folks!

A Sims 4 update.

Not many people know this. I'm pretty sure Brett is the only one who knows about my plans. I have officially made a Sims 4 YouTube Channel. After I post my first video I'll post a blog with the link. I do have a video currently waiting to be edited by my most wonderful husband. I love him and I'm extremely grateful of how supportive he is of this endeavor. So until the video goes up , I will post photos of the things I've been up to in game this last week.

The Krause House. 

I'm in the Sims 4 Community on Facebook. It has actually been renamed since I joined , but I can't quite remember the name it is now. The point however is that occasionally people will have build requests , where they post pictures of real houses and request someone build them the house in The Sims. This house was from such a request. I'm actually really proud of how it turned out considering it's one of the harder builds I've done.  

Front and Back view of the house. 

The Kitchen , Dining , Living , and entry way areas. ( AKA: First Floor. ) 

Upstairs. A master bedroom. A room for a girl and two boys. The office.in the lower right corner.  

I've also done a few renovations. I will just post my favorite of the renovations I've done. I actually just completed this one tonight. I've decided to call it " A Moment in Time." since there is a full Photography business in the basement. 

A Moment In Time

Front and Back views of the House. 

Main Living Area. ( Kitchen , Dining , Living , and Laundry Rooms ) 

The bedrooms. Top is Master. Middle is Girls ( I'm sure we can all guess who picked the decor for that room) , and bottom is the Boys room. 

The basement that I turned into a in home Photography Studio.

And that's what I've been up to in game. I also have a family I've been playing. I got bored playing them for a while , and I'm really trying to perfect my home builds , So I've mostly been focusing on that. I hope you enjoy seeing what I've been up to !!